Crap. i'm so sorry ~

last night, i hit the sack at about 2:45am, midnight. this is not the point, cause it's normal for me to stay up so late.. xD

the point is, i was up, reading again.

my schedule yesterday.

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9am+ ~ 10am+ went to school for some business.

10am+ ~ 4pm+ reading

4pm+ ~ 7pm+ friend Yeong Jing and cousin Germain visited

7pm+ ~ 2:45am reading

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from what we see, i have been reading for long hours, non-stop everyday. whenever i looked up from my book, i always feel a little dizzy. i think the long hours of reading is affecting my eyesight. I've loved reading from like when i knew how to read. maybe i should be 7 yrs old then.

i am a little short sighted here, not to say very serious, and i need not wear my specs most of the time, and thinking about it, i'd only wear it when i am copying things from the whiteboard, and it was not required since the last month. i can still see quite clearly. my dad is shortsighted too. he'd always told me to take good care of my eyes, to maintain the good eyesight. and everytime he put his head around my door, telling me to rest after a short while of reading, i said ok, but exactly when he went off, i started reading again.

yesterday mum came home planning to cook dinner. i went down in time to tell her that i am kinda tired and i am going to turn in early. i went upstairs, but instead of sleeping, i came to reading. i guess i heard my Ah-Heong-Biu-Yee, my mum's cousin sister and her husband came to our house. they where coming here to chat more often now.

at about 1am, i heard them coming home. mum came in and asked me when did i wake up. i felt a gush of guilt when she asked me that. but i lied that i woke at about 12am and can't get back to sleep. she believed me. no doubts about that. my parents believe every word i say. i really felt bad.

my parents have been telling me not to be too obsessed with anything, no matter it's schooling, reading, working or playing. something good will turn bad when it becomes a need that you can't deny. just like drugs, something that can help with medical actions but some people just want them cause they can't live without it. my dad put it that way and i think its right.

i am never obsessed with anything except for reading. playing, schooling, Tv and computers can't get the better of me. only reading. its the only thing in the entire world that can get me off the clock. i like writing too, and that's part of why am i blogging here.

my dad seemed unhappy when he sees me holding a book everywhere i went. i can see the unpleasant color on his face. but he din't show it. his tone while speaking to me gave him away anyway. i know my dad. and i know at once he is very annoyed.

my dad and mum knows that reading is my life. they always threaten to tear up my books and stop buying any for me in the future whenever i did something wrong. i always feel a stab of pain in my chest whenever i thought of no-more-reading for me. the feeling really sucks. i hate it. reading is my life.

dad, mum, if you really did come across this blog or more specifically those posts that contain my guilt. please, just for once more, forgive me for loosing control. i know you guys don't wanna see me like this. taking drugs. i will be in control of myself from now ( 5.47 pm of 18-March-2010 ) on. i will keep my promise to pull myself out of obsession to not just only books, but everything. please, i can do anything if you stop telling me that i would possibly get into the darkness of the no-more-reading. i fear my for that to happen. really, please don't take it away from me. i will suffer without books. and mum, please don't say that you'll tear my books when you're angry, i'd rather you tear me... please, stop saying that! please!